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Early October 1990. Wellington New Zealand. I am sitting in the boardroom participating in a quarterly business review meeting with the leadership team as the CFO presents the financials for the quarter. I am the HR Director of this leadership team. The CFO continues with the company’s year-to-date performance, the committed revenue projection versus actuals, the budget variation, blah, blah, blah. I am struggling to remain focused as my mind wanders and I metaphorically float out of the room to my happy place.
Suddenly I am snapped back into the room as the CFO breaks the monotony with this statement. “I want to share a story. You see I never wanted to be a finance guy and as a child, I imagined being a pilot. Sadly when I was in my late teens I discovered I was colour blind which was the end of my flying aspirations.”
The CFO goes on to tell his story of how he found immense satisfaction in managing the finances of organisations and the unlikely parallels between flying and finance. For example, as a CFO and a pilot, you are both heading on a predetermined flight plan which has to be submitted. Also, the gauges on the aircraft dashboard give you vital information on how you are tracking along your journey in the same way financial metrics reveal how a business is traveling. He used flying as a metaphor and he had me and the rest of the audience in the palm of his hand. It all started to make sense to me. I not only understood but was interested. Now 30 years later I still recall that experience.
THE SCIENCE BEHIND TELLING STORIES IN BUSINESS
The work we do in Ariel, the company I lead in Australia, is all about communicating to engage others. We have examined the advances in neuroscience and it has revealed some interesting facts as it relates to storytelling. Here are some:
Lighting up many parts of your brain
Neuroscience imaging shows that facts and figures activate just two areas of the brain: those responsible for language comprehension and processing. But stories activate up to eight areas of the brain: those having to do with touch, movement, scent, sound, colour, and shape in addition to language comprehension and processing. This implies that the brain responds to the story events as if they were actually happening to the listener. If you’re sceptical, think about why you cry while watching a movie, even though logic tells you that the story and characters are fictional.
According to Stanford Graduate School of Business’ research, stories are 22 times more memorable than facts alone. This is likely because stories universally activate brain regions dealing with emotional processing and memory.
The science tells us that storytelling helps to connect with the thoughts and feelings of others in the moment, enhances memory, commands attention, builds trust, and influences behaviour. So if you rate yourself as a great communicator, then you must also be a storyteller. If not, then you haven’t read the science.
Our inbuilt tendency to daydream
The human brain has a strong tendency to lose focus. In fact, it is estimated to engage in up to 2,000 daydreams a day and spend up to half its waking time wandering. In the presence of a compelling story that creates tension, however, the brain snaps to attention due to the release of a stress hormone known as cortisol.
Connecting with a story
In a series of studies, neuroscientist Paul J. Zak tested the brain’s response to engaging stories. When humans are presented with something that is familiar and deemed trustworthy, our bodies release a neurochemical called oxytocin that creates a feeling of connectedness.
Perhaps the most fascinating research is evidence of connectedness through mirror neurons. A study by Uri Hassen of Princeton University found that when a speaker is telling a story, the same areas of both the speaker’s and the listener’s brains light up despite the fact that one is producing information and the other is receiving it. This creates coherence between a speaker’s brain and the brains of his/her audience members—it ensures that you and your listener are on the same page.
We all desire connectedness in some form.
Storytelling with Presence
Constructing a good story is one thing, but telling it in a compelling way is another. At Ariel we specialise in teaching people how to apply the elements of executive presence to their storytelling. The good news is that it is a skill and that means anyone can learn it.
Here are some tips in telling stories:
- Don’t just tell your story, SHOWCASE your story: Use your voice and body the way an actor would: be expressive. Play the different characters in the story rather than just talking about them. Let your body and voice change in small ways to suggest how they looked and sounded. Speak as the characters; even a brief dialogue will help capture your audience’s imagination.
- Say it in the present tense: Speak in the present tense whenever possible, to bring the audience into the action, e.g., “It’s 5:00pm on Friday afternoon and my boss is approaching me in the corridor. I break into a cold sweat…..” Doing this allows your audience to believe you don’t know how it will end. This will keep your listeners waiting for the outcome.
- Keep it Short: Boil it down. It’s possible to tell a powerful, complete story in under a minute. Try to use “bullet phrases” instead of lengthy sentences. For example, the word “CRASH!” can be more powerful (when spoken expressively) than saying “Suddenly, the car I was driving collided with another vehicle.”
- Emphasise Emotions: As you tell the story, experience for yourself moments of real emotion: anger, fear, joy, a realisation, etc. If you feel something, the audience will. Highlight the “emotional arc” of the story. How does the main character change? Is he/she different at the end of the story? What did he/she learn?
Make sure you become the storyteller people will remember for a long time to come. It is a superpower.
Late 70’s, Sydney Australia: I am a socially awkward 19-year-old working as junior administrator in a utilities company. In another department of this organisation I see a beautiful girl called Sandy. It is love at first sight…for me anyway. Days, then weeks and then months pass before my love for Sandy wins the inner battle over my crippling shyness and I get the courage to ask her out on a date. With my heart jumping out of my chest, I do. And to my complete amazement, she agrees to go out with me on the coming Saturday evening. This instantly becomes the highest stakes situation of my life. I have to impress and surpass all expectations she may have of me so she will have no option but to fall madly in love with me, get married, have beautiful kids and live happily ever after in a mansion by the sea. You know the drill. It all comes down to Saturday night. I tell my good friend Gary about the upcoming date and he gives me a brilliant idea. “André borrow my dad’s red convertible Mercedes. He’s away for a few weeks. If you want to impress Sandy, what better way than to pick her up in the Merc?” “Brilliant!” I say, as I would do anything to impress Sandy. Saturday evening at Sandy’s parents’ home: I find myself in a predicament early in proceedings. Her father opens the door to greet me and sees a shining red Mercedes Benz convertible in his driveway and stares at me with my gawky smile. “Is that your car?” he asks quite abruptly. Being a naïve 19 year this is not what I expect. How do I respond? Do I lie and say “Yes it is”, or do I show my hand as a complete fraud and fess up to the fact I have borrowed it from a mate to impress Sandy, and him? This was not how the evening was supposed to start. What did I do? We will come to that later. I guess I am no different to most other people who from an early age try and project themselves as something more than who and what they really are. We put on a mask to pretend to be someone or something else, usually to cover up our insecurities and weaknesses. Masks People Wear I am now older and wiser (arguably!) and I have come to observe that these masks we wear also appear in our corporate world. As a business leader, speaker, consultant and executive coach, I interact with people at many levels. I frequently come across the various masks each person wears, trying to portray an image of something they may not really be. Masks that show ‘aggression’ or ‘humour’ or ‘indifference’ or ‘tough nut’ or ‘sophistication’ among many others. We put these masks on to hide our weaknesses. The proliferation of communication technology in today’s world challenges us to be real to others even more. We present only the ‘edited’ version of ourselves to others. As Sherry Turkle in her TedTalk said: “Texting, email, posting, all of these things let us present the self as we want to be. We get to edit, and that means we get to delete, and that means we get to retouch, the face, the voice, the flesh, the body — not too little, not too much, just right.” It makes it easier for us to look our best, in the most exotic places, saying the funniest or smartest thing while appearing to look spontaneous. As Brené Brown once asked: Who are you seeking approval from today? Do they deserve that honour? Sometimes we are more committed to living in the perceptions someone else has of us, than we are in living in the truth of ourselves. Authenticity in Leadership At Ariel , the organisation I lead in Australia, we work with leaders and professionals on their Executive or Leadership Presence through our workshops and coaching. We describe Presence as “an ability to connect authentically with the hearts and minds of others, in order to motivate and inspire them toward a desired outcome.” Communicating in real time without the opportunity to edit. Central to our notion of presence is authenticity. We help people realise that they have to first connect with themselves before they can demonstrate the power of their presence to others. Substance before sizzle. We have identified the three rules of authenticity: Authenticity Rule #1: ACCEPT YOURSELF AND BE OPEN TO GROWTH. One of the biggest lessons I have learnt in becoming a student of Presence over the last few years, is to acknowledge my shortcomings and while trying to work to improve them, I also accept them and work with and around them. My advice to my coaching clients is to not try and cover up mistakes, instead draw out key learnings from mistakes they may have made. And while always trying to grow, don’t try to be someone or something they are fundamentally not. We find in our workshops how inspiring it is to hear individuals talk about difficult passages in their lives and what they had learned from them. They don’t hide it, they reveal it. They see such situations not as failures but as opportunities for learning. Our advice is to shift your thinking about an experience from “It was terrible” to “What did I learn from this?” Don’t cover up mistakes from your past, put it on the table and draw out your learning. You may be surprised how it will inspire others. Authenticity Rule #2: LIVE YOUR VALUES. My father gave me an invaluable piece of advice twenty years ago, just before he died. He said “son if you don’t know what you stand for, then you will fall for anything”. It has been a long journey to see the truth of his words. If you truly desire to amplify your Presence, then you need to connect with yourself – really connect – before connecting with others. That means being able to articulate your ‘guiding compass’ aka your values. Not somebody else’s, but your own. You then want to find ways to make your values visible to others. For example, if you value forthrightness, then you may want to create a quarterly meeting where people can speak their minds candidly. If you value creativity, you could institute open brainstorming sessions at the start of every project. The penalty for incongruence between espoused and lived values is being branded a hypocrite. Ask others if they perceive you as someone who lives your values and if they are visible in your actions. You can also demonstrate your willingness to be vulnerable by asking people to call you out whenever your actions don’t reflect your values. Authenticity Rule #3: CREATE AN AUTHENTIC CONNECTION TO WORK. When a leader has an authentic connection with work, the work becomes more than a way to pay the mortgage or meet quarterly targets. They focus on something bigger than themselves and their own self-interests – they create significance in their work. They say that people work for three things: • Money • A good leader • A cause A good leader motivates more than money does. And a cause motivates more than a good leader. Find your cause – the significance – in the work you and your team do, and enroll your people in that cause. In Ariel Australia, our cause is to create better human workplaces. We do this by helping those we work with to connect with themselves and with others in ways they haven’t done before. It inspires me and it inspires our team and connects us with our work in developing Presence. Don’t Fake It The bottom line is to be authentic because it is unlikely you are fooling anyone. Neuroscience research is now scientifically proving that human beings have an uncanny ability to identify incongruence no matter how well we try and mask it. Our brains are unconsciously counting the blink rate in another person’s eyes and registering the tiniest head movement all the time. These and many other barely noticeable signals are being registered in our brain and forming an impression that tell people you are faking it. If you think you are covering it up, you are only fooling yourself. Most people can pick a fake without trying too hard. I think the biggest lesson I have learnt is if I want to show up in this world as the best version of me, then I must draw from the well that is me – my authentic self. Continuing to remove those masks I have put on has been surprisingly liberating. It has broken those chains that have held me back. Finally back to Sandy’s dad when he asked me if the Mercedes Benz was mine. I was amazed by my own response, as a naive 19 year old I didn’t expect to say what I did. What I said was “Yes it is sir… just for tonight… and just for your daughter” – one of the coolest responses I think I have ever made! Sadly for me, I was not Sandy’s soul mate and the relationship didn’t last beyond the first date. Perhaps all she saw was the mask and not me.
The leadership attributes of the likes of Steve Jobs, Arianna Huffington, Sir Richard Branson, Jeff Bezos and numerous other famous business people have been sliced and diced, dissected and analysed innumerable times. While we all aspire to be like some of the greats, what can we learn from the everyday leader – these unknowns that don’t attract the attention of celebrity – who are making a significant difference in the lives of people who work for them? Let me share a personal story that happened a few years ago while travelling through India and has remained on my mind ever since. Summer 2017. Ambience Mall, Gurgaon, India. A normal Saturday afternoon. My wife and I walk into a well-known retail clothing chain store. She is looking for an unusual t-shirt. One of the shop assistants sees us and approaches us as most shop assistants are programmed to do. He holds up a sign which is hanging on a lanyard around his neck, which indicates his name is Piyush and that he is deaf. He signals with his fingers that he can lip read. “This is most unusual” I think to myself as I have not experienced this in countless retail experiences. My wife says she is looking for a t-shirt, Piyush lip reads her message correctly and he walks her over to a rack of t-shirts and she selects a few to try on. She asks him where the change room is, and he shows her where. She proceeds to try on the t-shirts. As I wait for her to come out I observe something unusual. The manager of the store, who has just finished speaking to someone on the phone, starts conversing with Piyush. He is conversing in sign language and this goes on for a few minutes. They are obviously sharing something humorous as they are both laughing. The store manager is totally engrossed in the interaction. I am struck by the authenticity and goodwill that is present in this moment. The banter is broken by my wife who comes out of the change room wearing the first t-shirt. Piyush gives her the “thumbs-up” sign and asks my opinion, “looks great” I say and she goes back to try on another. I observe the store manager who is now behind the cash register looking through some dockets. I walk up to him and we have the following exchange: Me: “I noticed that you were using sign language with your colleague.” Store Manager: “Yes sir. I was trying to sign. I am still learning.” Me: “How are you learning?” Store Manager: “I found a course through Google and I do some study and practice every evening after work.” Me: “Wow! That seems like quite an investment on your part.” Store Manager: “Well I’m learning something new.” Me: “So why do this? If Piyush can lip read, would you be able to get by without signing?” Store Manager: “Yes. We can get by and we have. But sir I want us to be able to have a two-way communication with him, not just one-way, from me to him. He is a smart guy and I want to hear his ideas and his opinions on how we can make things better in this store. I’m his manager so I also want to understand how he is doing and how I am doing as his manager.” I ask his name and he tells me it is Manick. I walk away as my wife has come out with another t-shirt on, I give the second t-shirt a thumbs up and she goes back in to try on a third. As I wait, I reflect on the interaction I have just had with Manick. I continue to observe him as he goes about his work. He offers a job to an applicant who has come into the store and embraces her emotionally, not physically, as he welcomes her to the company and agrees a starting date. She is thrilled beyond words and genuinely excited. I observe him taking in everything that is going on in the store, jumping in to support his team when they are busy. I am most impressed with this guy as there is definitely an X-factor about him. In my experience with retail chains, shop assistants are generally not treated with the respect they deserve. Store managers generally don’t care about the opinions of shop assistants, nor care about how they may be doing as their manager. It is very obvious to me that Piyush enjoys working for Manick. From everything I can observe in the 15 minutes in the store, he is fully engaged as an employee and completely connected with his manager. Manick is different and I can see, hear, and feel that this X factor is his leadership and personal presence. Deconstructing Presence In our work in Ariel Group , the company I lead in Australia, we have been working with leaders and professionals for over twenty five years to help them build their leadership and personal presence. We know from our experience with hundreds of thousands of leaders and professionals that presence is something that can be developed. Our purpose is to help leaders and professionals amplify their presence and show up as their very best selves. We deconstruct presence into four critical leadership skills which we call the PRES Model: Being Present: The ability to be completely in the moment, undistracted by anything past or future, sharp as a razor, and flexible enough to handle the unexpected. Reaching Out: The ability to build relationships with others through empathy, listening and authentic connection. Expressiveness: The ability to express feelings and emotions and energy appropriately by using all available means – words/voice/face/body – to deliver one congruent message. Self-Knowing: The ability to accept yourself, to be authentic, and to reflect your values in your decisions and actions. Applying Presence to Leadership So in that moment of reflection about Manick and his presence as a leader, he ticks every one of these boxes. As an everyday leader I observe him: • being Present – not pretentious • Reaching Out – not looking down • being Expressive – not trying to be impressive • being Self-Knowing – not self-absorbed I have no doubt that with the right guidance, this young leader is destined to become someone significant affecting the lives of many. He can go far in his business and personal life if he chooses to do so. My wife comes out of the change rooms and she buys a couple of the t-shirts. I thank Manick and Piyush and ask their permission to take their picture on my smartphone. They are curious. I explain that I am a leadership consultant and constantly looking out for examples of leadership in action. Manick signs something to Piyush. They both seem chuffed at the idea. They smile and agree. So here is their story on that Saturday afternoon and in the photograph above, Piyush is on the left and Manick on the right.
“That is really impressive,” I say to a senior leader of a multinational technology services company as I remark on the floor-to-ceiling posters in the boardroom in which we are meeting. The posters are made up of striking images captioned with words like “Respect” and “Teamwork” and “Customer First” and a couple of others I can no longer recall. “Yes,” he replies “we commissioned an agency to produce the artwork of our company values. And it wasn’t cheap!” “Well, you certainly cannot ignore them,” I say. The senior manager who I have known for many years leans over and confesses “I wish I could say the same for the people of this company who ignore them with regular monotony”. He adds “Two years ago we went offsite for a couple of days and came up with our values as part of a strategic planning offsite. Ha! The good old days when times weren’t as tough as they are today. With the squeeze from our investors to ramp up profitability in an ultra-competitive market today, well, let’s just say those values are no longer front and centre. I am not sure how much meaning they really carry.” I found myself quite disturbed by the conversation as it brought up deep seeded emotions buried in me. I had travelled a similar path. How managers lose credibility Some years before when I was leading a team, we had gone offsite to define our strategy and values. When it came to selecting our top values it was unanimous that “Integrity” be one of our top five. We had the five values put on signs around the office. Some months later I discovered that one of my senior consultants was ‘moonlighting’ on company time. i.e., this person was doing paid work for a private client while they were on paid sick leave. This consultant was one of our top performers at the time and was bringing in more business than anyone else. I was angry beyond words and went to my boss with the request to dismiss this person. Clearly, they had violated our stated value of “Integrity” and it was clear to me that they needed to go. Or at the very minimum be placed on a final warning. My boss, a very bottom line focused businessman said to me “Business isn’t great and you want to fire one of our best revenue generators? What’s wrong with you?” Suddenly the perception of inadequate performance shifted from the moonlighting consultant to me. I was told not to raise the matter with this person as it may “destabilise” the revenue they were bringing in. The conversation distressed me greatly. What tormented me afterwards was that I just folded. At that stage in my career, I didn’t have the skills or the self-belief to stand up to and influence my boss as I needed to. I allowed something like integrity that was important to me, to be sidelined. How did this sad story end? I will share it later. I guess many of us reading this are familiar with scenarios such as this. Aspirational values are created in good times, but when times turn difficult, they are put aside. How employees become cynical How often have we seen frugality become more important than customer satisfaction or employee engagement? How many times have we seen pressure on the bottom line compromise quality standards? How would you feel witnessing command and control leadership replace the aspiration of empowerment? The result is increased levels of cynicism by employees. And for leaders who fold in such times as I had done, well they have started down the slippery slope of losing both the hearts and minds of their people. In those organisations where the treatment of publicised values don’t reflect reality, it becomes a breeding ground for cynicism and toxicity. Inspiring employees & building confidence There are champions demonstrating how it should be done. I read that Jeff Bezos of Amazon is known for his obsession with customers. He is quoted as saying “Start with the customer and work backward.” Bezos instigated a process in his management meetings in Amazon, that an extra chair is placed around the board table to represent the customer. When making decisions, they ask how the decision may impact the customer. Apparently, this practice is used extensively down the Amazon organisation. It may sound cheesy for outsiders, but I have heard that people inside Amazon say it really works. It reflects one of their values in action in a very visible way. Amazon is held up as the poster child for exceptional leadership. So whose job is it to ensure that the values are real and meaningful? If you are a leader at any level in your organisation reading this, then the answer is “it’s yours”. It needs to be reflected in your leadership behaviours. It is one of the few elements of your role that cannot be delegated. 3 Ways to create inspiring company values Here are three tips on how you can make values a source of inspiration rather than cynicism. As you prepare your agenda for your meetings, look for ways to integrate the values into the discussions and do it. People require evidence that you as a leader believe in the values. They need evidence that decisions are made explicitly around the core values. Highlight such instances. Evidence to back up the values removes cynicism. Ask people to share stories of how one or more values are being used by them and others across the business. First, stories are memorable. Second, it provides social proof – the reassurance that someone gets from others when they are unsure of the correct way to behave. Most of all you as a leader needs to project the leadership presence to show up with authenticity and transparency to your team around your organisation’s values. You require courage and self-belief to not fold as I did as a young leader. Leaders must learn how to show up as the very best version of themselves. I have witnessed such leaders go a long way to winning the hearts and minds of their people. PostScript So what happened to that senior consultant who got away with moonlighting? In the proceeding months, his behaviour just deteriorated and he increasingly snubbed me and the company – the lack of action contributed to making the team climate toxic. Finally I found the courage to stand up for doing what is right, not what is palatable. I dismissed the moonlighter. The result? Trust in me as their leader increased. The team climate got remarkably better. Collaboration increased. People started referring their friends to join our team. Living our values was more than creative graphics on a poster. A lesson learned.
